How is it possible?  How is it possible that a whole year has passed?  It is a question that many ask themselves as they face the one-year anniversary of the death of a loved one.

Today is my turn to ask that question.  Exactly a year ago today my dad passed away and it is unimaginable that a whole year has passed by without him.  It literally seems like yesterday that he was here with us.  I still expect to see him relaxing in his favorite lounge chair enjoying his favorite TV mystery or perhaps enjoying a PGA golf tournament.  I can still so clearly picture his broad smile and hear his hearty laugh as he frequently joked with those around him.

In approaching this first-year anniversary following his death, it is indeed difficult to remember him without tears.  There have been many tears during the last 12 months, especially on those special occasions that would have meant so much to him.  It has often been challenging to focus on the wealth of happy moments shared with him over a lifetime rather than the last years and months of his life in which he struggled and suffered with health issues.

Perhaps that is why it is odd to me to refer to today as an anniversary because anniversaries call to mind celebrations and happy times.  How can you celebrate the day your loved one died and left this earth for good?  Yet, as I slowly move through the grieving process, I realize that it is not the death we commemorate, but rather the life we shared with our loved one.

As long as you are loved, you can never truly die.  And my dad was greatly loved. All of the people whose lives he touched–and there were many–will never stop thinking of him, talking about him and remembering him.  And so, my dad can never truly be dead.  He lives in all of us who remember and cherish him.

Each of us must face the passing of a loved one at some point and each of us must move through our grieving process in our own way.  Mine has been a slow journey.  It is still difficult to accept the notion of walking around this world when my dad is no longer in it.  It is still heartbreaking to understand that he will never be here again to smile at, laugh with and thank for all he has done for me.

Yet, it is precisely because my dad was so kind-hearted and generous of spirit that he would not want me to focus on the tears and loss. He would absolutely hate that.  Above all else, my dad could not stand to see others hurting.  That is not the way I want to celebrate him in honor of all that he gave those of us who knew him.

So, as I began to think about how to mark this first anniversary of his passing, I knew I wanted to focus on things that often made him smile.  I have selected 12 gestures to honor my dad on this anniversary day, one for each month of this first year since his passing.  They range from visiting his favorite place for brunch to playing some of his cherished music to watching one of the mystery movies he loved.  I will also release bright yellow balloons at his graveside, a representation of the sunshine he brought into the lives of those who knew him.  Most of all, I will do my best to make others smile and laugh today as he did so many times for others.  That is, no doubt, his greatest legacy to us. 

Healing from grief takes time and I have been told countless times this past year that it will get easier as more time passes.  I have no doubt that is true.  Hopefully, the tears and sadness of loss will be replaced with happy memories and an appreciation of all that I gained as a result of being blessed with a dad who was full of love, laughter and heart.

I am grateful and honored to have cared for my dad during his final years as he faced health struggles.  It provided me cherished opportunities to learn more about his life and challenges and share countless quiet, personal moments with him which continue to be a gift.  Those memories I will carry in my heart always.

As I continue to process my loss, I will aim to remember that the best way to honor my dad is to live a life by his example.  For me, that will mean making a concerted effort to smile more, laugh more frequently, focus on the simple pleasures life offers and to always, always be grateful for everything and everyone in my life.

That is the greatest legacy my dad left me and the best way I can commemorate and honor his life.

I’m especially grateful to those who have been patient with me this year and who helped me immeasurably in navigating this difficult last year. Their support has been so appreciated.

Thank you Dad.  I love you.  I miss you.  And I honor you today in memory of all that you were and all that you shared with me.  You were a gift that I will hold in my heart forever.

Keep on smiling. 🙂